2004-11-26 - 10:07 p.m.

I have two new addictions.... I am totally loving Kinja.com. I forget who's blog pointed me in that direction (maybe a comment on Tercia's blog).... Basically, it's like your Favorites Folder, but only of your blogs, and it shows you the first paragrah of any new entry. So rather than clicking a thousand links, only to find that Mimi or Jen or Shelba haven't updated, I can see it all in one page. It's really great!

My other obsession is to see who's been Fuggin It Up. I enjoyed it so much, I went back as far as July checking it all out. Man, there are some really unfortunate fashion choices in there! Warning, you'll get addicted and surf the archives for hours!

Tonight brought a bit of levity at our house. After a lovely Shabbat dinner where Dumpling attempted to sing at the top of her lungs and basically got loopy on a few sips of Manaschevitz, we took her downstairs to watch the new Blue Rodeo DVD, which covers the last 20 years of performances by our favorite band. (don't bother with the irony of watching a DVD after a Shabbat dinner, I already know!). We had the surround sound going and she was grooving along, trying her best to dance (basically waving her arms around frantically). But at one point, she figured out the vibriation from the subwoofeer and proceed to girate her little bum on the ground, it was quite funny.

Tomorrow, I put on my happy face and get ready for a family brunch in honor of my brother-in-law's 40th b-day. All the inlaws, all the cousins, a two hour car ride each way..... yeah, tune in for the post mordem tomorrow night!

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2004-11-25 - 10:35 a.m.

well, I'm OK. Things are still very tense and very quiet at our house, but basically, there has been no more fighting. Also no resolution, but I don't really know how there could be. What's done is done, and we can only hope that it doesn't happen again. I really wish my husband would make some sort of gesture to show me that he his really aware of how much he hurt me with this decision he made, but I just don't see that happening.... So we'll just put it behind us I guess and try to patch things up the best we can.

Since I can sometimes be completely superficial and materialistic, I've been comforting myself with this in expresso and this in heather mango. In my defense, the order had been placed long before this fight occured, but let's just say the UPS delivery yesterday was sort of perfect timing. The cardigan comforted me at a dinner we had to attend last night and I'm snuggly in my hoodie today.

Another thing that helped is what I will refer to as *Amazing Therapy*. It is just not possible for two people to watch the Amazing Race and not talk to one another. You just end up screaming at the tv or needing to make a ocmment and it's just not possible to continue the silent treatment. Try it, I dare you. So thanks to the clutch-disabled Queen's girls and the biggest asshat that ever lived, blue-haired Jonathan, for helping break some of the tension. I guess Jonathan's claim on his web site that he wants to help people really is true!!!!

edited to add: Happy Turkey day to my friends to the South. I've already been reading some of your horror stories and let me just say, yet one more reason to live north of the 49th parrallel...... No Thanksgiving in Canada! (well, we do have a Canadian Thanksgiving, but it was 6 weeks ago already and nobody really does anything special for it).

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2004-11-22 - 11:16 p.m.

I was hoping to regale you today with tales of the Dumpling's first photographer visit, but I just don't have it in me. A dinner-time phone call precipitated the largest fight my husband and I have ever had.

I really wish I could get it off my chest, but because I'm not anonymous on here, I just can't talk about the reason for the fight. But let me say this: it's a fight that we have had two or three times already in the last 5 years and the last time, I indicated that this was a make-or-break thing for me. He promised we wouldn't find ourselves at this cross-roads ever again and yet, here we are. Except this time, there is Dumpling. And I can't deal with that. I can't imagine not fixing this properly so that 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years from now we end up here again.

I am angry and disappointed and pissed off and I even used the D-word during our argument. Then I cried for 20 minutes by myself on the kitchen table. Then I very calmly re-iterated my position and my feelings regarding the particular situation. We haven't said word one to each other since, and that was 6 hours ago. Not good.

Before you worry too much about me, let me reassure you: this isn't about adultery. But no matter the reason, the result is still the same: the tension in the house is as thick as fog and I just do not know what will happen next. I really feel the next move has got to be his, but it's just not the way he operates. I always have to make the first move, and this time, I just don't know if I have it in me.

And the part I hated to most: we fought in front of her. I swore I would NEVER do that, but I did. I felt so horrible, not only for the fight but for having it in front of her, I went out of my way to be extra sweet and patient with her the rest of the night. But I know she didn't like the fighting.... I know I didn't.....

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2004-11-21 - 11:10 p.m.

At the risk of destroying any image of cool and hip mom I've been crafting here, let me tell you about a completely un-cool and un-hip thing I did today.....

After the Dumpling's afternoon nap (we're still on two naps. We tried one long nap, but the ensuing crankiness was more than I could bare), we were all upstairs playing in the attic and watching a documentary about Canadian actors who try their luck in hollywood and stay at a decrepit motel during pilot season (see, indie and hip documentary, I'm cool). But it was time to make dinner and I turned off the DVR only to end up on Much More Music, the retro canadian video channel. And I couldn't help it. I planted my feet firmly on the ground, stuck my arms out like a scarecrow and proceeded to sway in the wind 80's style to Thompson Twin's *Hold me Now*. And then, I dragged the Dumpling into this debauchery and made her dance along with me. Heck, we even got hubby to get up and give us 10 seconds of his best 2 step move.... Embarassing, completely and utterly embarassing (the whole thing, not just my hubby's dancing!)

Saturday night was a big milestone for us. We left the Dumpling with a non-relative babysitter for the first time and went out for dinner and a concert. The babysitter is actually a 20 something gal who works at the doggy day-care and came with her own dog, so Mortimer and Lucy were thrilled to have her and her dog visit, which made it easier on the Dumpling I'm sure. She was a champ, barely fussed about bed time and wasn't worst for the wear the next morning. We only called once, about an hour after bedtime, during intermission, just to check in on the babysitter to see if she was at her wits end yet, but everything was under control, the Dumpling was long asleep and we enjoyed the rest of the concert (well, at least I did. It's too complicated to explain, but it just wasn't hubby's cup of tea.)

Tomorrow, I will drag my poor child, who turned 20 months old today, to a fancy-schmancy photographer, where she will not only pose in a brand new outfit mommy bought, but will probably we subjected to Anne Geddes-type outfits in order to get some nice pics to give to grandparents for the holidays.... May she not resent me for ever and ever....

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