Song of the Waiting Mother

2004-04-10 - 9:28 p.m.

Sometimes, I can't exactely find the words to explain how I'm feeling. With the Dumpling referral hopefully only 2 days away (yeah! 2 days down), I've been going crazy, I'm a total mess. We spent the day purchasing all manners of baby accoutrements for the trip: bottles, bibs, pacifiers, small toys. Nothing age/weight specific, waiting for the picture for those. The poor pharmacist had to listen to me go on about our upcoming trip while helping me complete the list of meds we need to take (who knew they made Gravol for babies). Then I was sitting here, just trying to look at more info, when I came across a poem on Hope Child's blog. here it is:

Song of the Waiting Mother

by Christine Futia

I'm pregnant but my tummy isn't showing,

And no one ever calls me "little mom".

My neighbours simply aren't overflowing

With questions that I'd handle with aplomb.

There are no special clothes to mark my waiting.

Nobody stops and smile as I pass by.

The absence of a due date is frustrating,

And looking at the nursery makes me cry.

When I'm "overdue", no one will worry.

The phone won't ring and ring as friends check in.

I can't induce my labor in a hurry,

My new life as a parent to begin.

Adoption is a wearisome endeavour,

And waiting all alone is not much fun.

To be "with child" a year seems like forever ...

Dear God, we're ready: please send us our son!

{Or in our case DAUGHTER!!!}

Once again, somebody else was better at putting my thoughts together than I was....

Anything to add? 1

All Dumpling, all the time!

2004-04-09 - 9:54 a.m.

Well, I got about 2 hours of sleep between 11 and 1 AM, then again a couple of nods between 5 and 7, but the rest of the time, my mind was racing. Things to do, things to buy, things to pack.... When oh when will the phone ring?!?!?

I suppose I am feeling exactely like Jodi right now. She got a tentative "yes" on her beta results, and is waiting til early next week for a second test to confirm pregnancy. I got a rumored "calls will be coming on Tuesday" and now I have to wait the whole weekend to see if it does indeed become a reality. If it doesn't come on Tuesday, then we wait for the next batch, 6 weeks from now. Much like my fellow barren-chicks, who wait for the next cycle to try again. Obviously, waiting for an adoption call is nothing like the ups and downs of shots and meds, but the waiting, the emotional highs and lows, those are the same.

In the mean time, I spent last night SCREAMING at the TV. *cue Chandler voice* Could lex BE any dummer? Could Assorame BE any more of a liar???? Geez Louise! I thought I would burst a blood vessel I was so hyper! Why or why would She try to jeopardize Kwame like that??? I know! the answer is obvious: all Assorama all the time, it's gotta be about her, that plus the pathological liar thing, but still!!! She's on TV! She knew they were filming! I would take my gripes over to TwOP, but the servers are overloaded, guess I'm not the only steaming one....

Plans to get through the next 4 days: take it one day at a time! Plans to get through today: pick up a paint color sample, then meet the kitchen designer at 4 to go over the final plans for the new kitchen(which, in all likelyhood, will be done while we are in China!), have dog-sitting friends over for dinner if their baby is better and grill them about all the things we need to buy for this child, then spend the rest of the weekend purchasing said items.

So much for one day at a time!

Anything to add? 1

Valium Please!

2004-04-08 - 2:40 p.m.

When I thought about a second entry today, I thought it would be about Oprah or Survivor....

But late this morning, I decided to go online to look for a shopping list of baby things we need before China. And in my yahoo group, I came across some news that just stopped me short.... The August referrals have started. This could be it. The Amnerican families who's files went last August got their pictures yesterday.

A quick email to a ressource-mom from my agency confirmed that indeed, a bunch of August referrals would be coming out early next week, because Friday and Monday are holidays for Easter, they don't expect to make calls until Tuesday or Wednesday....

How Am I Going To Get Any Sleep??? What if we are not in that group? On my G-d! What if we ARE in that group! That would mean travelling to China mere days after moving!!!! I have so much to do, so much to buy, I need to get started!!!! Valium! send me Valium!

Anything to add? 7

loving bad TV

2004-04-08 - 11:58 a.m.

Ooooh! TV's getting good again! Good as in really really bad, As in I can't believe I'm watching this!!! First there is a SPY on the Bachelor!!! And the Bachelor is Canadian, and one of the Bachelorette is Miss French-Canadian!!! Watch out, Canadians will be taking over reality tv!

Then, Assorama is going to be on Oprah today!!! I can't even begin to tell you how much I am looking forward to this! Although I hear Oprah might have sided with her, I find that hard to believe. I mean, Oprah has seen enough fakes in her life to spot them a mile away.... Add tonight's episodes of Apprentice and Survivor and it's almost enough to make me forget the wicked cold I've suddenly come down with. I'm sure it's a combination of my SIL's cold and the dimished nutrition provided by the all matza diet.

Nothing a good nap and a few liters of tea won't fix, but I gotta work for a few more hours before assuming the fetal position on the couch.

Anything to add? 0

The things I learned....

2004-04-07 - 3:36 p.m.

Things I learned at the 2nd Seder:

- you can make almost anything out of potato starch: sponge cake, lady fingers, carrot souffle, chocolate cake. By the way, it all tastes like crap!

- I have gone from being the most disliked person in the room to being the most ignored person in the room. Apparently, several pairs of adults can carry on conversations without feeling the need the include me. (Although I'd say that's a big improvement over open hostility)

- Self-centered asshats will be self-centerd not only around adults, but around children as well. Case in point, my SIL, who loves to hear herself sing so much, she couldn't even let her 8 year-old nephew take the floor and show us is best Cantor impersonation without drowning him out with her own singing.... Nice!

- The person I have the most in common with in this whole verkackte family is the 16 year-old daughter from a first marriage of the man who will soon marry my husband's brother-in-laws' sister (did you get that?) She feels as much out of it as I do.

- My newphew and niece from out of town are simply the nicest, cutest kids in the world. Even when they are up to no good, like throwing rocks down the laudry chute, they will come up with things like "I'm going outside to enjoy nature and take it it's beauty" (not to mention fill my pockets with more rocks!!!)

- Manishewitz alone is good. Manishewitz with Midol is better.

- Apparently, you need to cultivate a relationship with your decorator. if he doesn't call you back within 2 days, you need to find a new, more expensive decorator. (At least I overheard that in a converstion I wans't included in)

- Apparently, no one can understant why the buyers bought my house. It's so small and funkily decorated, it makes no sense for anyone in their right mind to buy our house. ( I also overheard that!)

- and the final thing I learned at Seder number 2 is... Next year on a cruise!

Anything to add? 0

Being Grateful

2004-04-06 - 4:07 p.m.

One Seder Down, one to go.

Last night's festivities were the happy and joyous ones at the Rabbi's house. There was a lot of learning, singing, and thankfulness. One of the daughter-in-laws has been battling cancer and gave a very inspirational speach about gratefulness, redemption and living for the moment.

The wonderful evening was a little marred by events earlier in the day however. A Jewish school in our city was fire-bombed the night before. It was very disturbing to all of us. Because of the cowardness of the act, because of it's timing, but mostely, because it brought it home.

People in Israel live with horror and terror everyday, and this act of violence reminded of us that reality. Put that together with my friend's speach about her fight for health and life and it certainly put a lot of things in perspective for me.

I am grateful for my life. I am grateful that my husband's health is good and we have had no scares in the last year. I am grateful that my infertility put me in contact with some of the strongest and most fabulous women I've ever met. I am grateful that we are fortunate enough to finance a new house and an international adoption without having to jump through hoops. And I am grateful that the adoption road has been long and windy and will teach me patience.

OK, that last one is a bit of a stretch! But I'm trying!!!

Anything to add? 0

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