COMMENTS:

mimi smartypants - 2005-03-04 06:12:46
It's the siblings thing that really gets to me. Until I started reading about Chinese adoption, it had never really occurred to me that my future daughter most likely had a brother or a sister somewhere in the world. Somehow that's harder for me to think about than her birth parents. That was an interesting encounter, and since the circumstances were so special I probably would have told our adoption story to those people as well. But right now I'm thinking about at what point do I want to become more circumspect---Nora obviously understands more and more each day, and I'm not comfortable with telling her whole story to strangers who are just curious about international adoption. It's not that it's a secret, but it's her story to tell, not mine. Hmmm.
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Figlet - 2005-03-04 08:49:03
You touch on a really interesting point. One of my husband's friends at work emigrated here with his family. The friend told J that he knows he has a sister but he doesn't know anything about her abandonment. Only that the one child policy was to blame. I have this fantasy (and I think others do too) of a DNA registry so that children who were abandoned might have a chance of finding their birth families some day. I was really upset reading a post on a message board once from a woman who was looking at China and Russia adoption because of the "guarantee" that she would never have to deal with the birth family issue. She said she couldn't stand the thought that her child might ever meet her birth family. I would welcome it, as difficult as it might be. I really think our child deserves that, and were the opportunity to present itself, my husband and I have agreed that we would do everything we could to facilitate. Unfortunately I don't know if it is anything more than just a fantasy. Your encounter with that couple is such a strong reminder that our children have birth families out there, maybe even closer than we think. I think about this all the time as there are lots of Chinese who ride my subway train. I study faces and wonder about their stories. I'm sure our child will do the same.
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Theresa - 2005-03-04 12:23:14
Okay - I knew that china had that one child law, but I never actually thought that they forced parents to give up their second or third children. I guess I just assumed it was on the honor system or something. I am completely shocked - and this is the first entry that had me in near tears. I can't imagine how that woman must feel every day of her life...
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mortimer's mom - 2005-03-04 12:31:46
Mimi, I agree with you, I guess the chances of sibling emigrating to the West are even higher than that of birth parents.... thanks, a whole new can of worms for me to worry about. As for telling Dumpling's adoption story, I must admit that I'm usually pretty open about it, but now that she understands more and more what we say, I might revise my stance and be mroe guarded. however, I guarantee you that anyone would have shared with this couple. From the first second I spotted them in front of the paint chips, I *knew* she wanted to talk to me. The irony is that they picked a peach color similiar to the peach I'm trying to cover up... it's too coincidental, somehow, we were meant to talk....
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Jodi - 2005-03-04 13:01:49
I am in tears as well. I always thought CHina was a different culture and didn't value girls as much. So giving up their daughters wasn't a traumatic experience. How wrong was I. I have heard of a few adoptiong from China where the infant was obviously loved and well taken care of but given up anyway. I thought these examples were few and far between. My heart goes out to that couple and to you.
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Cagey - 2005-03-04 13:05:16
I don't think you should be too hard on yourself about not getting their information. As shocked as I was to read the story, I can't even fathom how surreal the experience must have been for you. Knowing that your dreams came true at the expense of someone else's must be heartbreaking if you allow yourself to dwell on it. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I am hoping to adopt our 2nd child from India, but that is such a completely different circumstance, the difference being whether the child is forced to be given up or not. Thank you for giving me a different perspective. Hang in there and be kind to yourself.
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marla - 2005-03-04 15:26:13
If you read Kay Johnson's book she believes that Chinese parents have a choice and that they are not really forced. I'm still mulling over her perspective. I also agree with Amber that it is very rare that bparents have the funds to leave China and not pay the fine to keep their daughter. There's so much more to this story... I think the possibility of a registry for siblings (that have been adopted) is the best chance for any reunification at this point. Oh, yeah, Figlet I used to think that way. Not anymore, quite the opposite, but embarrassingly, I once had that same mindset.
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Eyrini - 2005-03-05 21:07:38
As for getting the man's name and number- perhaps the home depot would have this info if her paid by credit and would be willing to share it if you explained the situation? As for the couple- I have a cousin who adopted a daughter from China; I have an adopted Indian daughter.... As I was looking over an adoption agency website one day- I saw a Chinese girl that looked so much like my cousin's daughter I wonder if they couldn't be sisters- it was uncanny really. Eyrini
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Eyrini - 2005-03-05 21:08:10
As for getting the man's name and number- perhaps the home depot would have this info if her paid by credit and would be willing to share it if you explained the situation? As for the couple, I can't imagine their pain. And on a similiar note- I have a cousin who adopted a daughter from China; I have an adopted Indian daughter.... As I was looking over an adoption agency website one day- I saw a Chinese girl that looked so much like my cousin's daughter I wonder if they couldn't be sisters- it was uncanny really. Eyrini
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