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COMMENTS:
Kim - 2004-04-29 12:02:35
From my experience, don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed! I have felt the same way with our foster children. Yes, I know they may not be permenant, but they are babies too and need things as well. I had one lady from our church that we are good friends with lend me her baby swing and bouncy seat and a ton of baby clothes when we first heard that we would have the baby in less than 48 hours. To her I am grateful. We could have not done without all that. Of course I've added to the clothes and she has all her own now and we have returned the stuff to her. But out of our large church that has baby showers on a monthly basis for the many young mothers that keep popping babies out, no one else offered anything to borrow or much less help with anything. I did have our old ss class offer to bring dinners over but this was after the baby was almost 4 months old! I had already gotten over the newborn, sleep deprived moments and I could very well cook dinner for us by then. I kind of secretly hoped that they would realize we had no baby stuff and would appreciate used donations or borrowing but nothing was offered. If I don't expect it, I won't be disappointed.
So we have just figured that we would provide everything for these kids. Yes, we get a small perdiem for the kids, but it in no way covers the clothes, the formula, the DIAPERS, the booster seats, the baby walker, the crib, sheets, toys, extra car seats, stroller, and now I'm going to have to get a high chair since baby is eating baby food. Most moms get a baby shower to help in getting these things. We have truely had to do it on our own. But we will never let the girls go without.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is just do it all yourself. If someone offers, take it. But don't even expect them to so you won't be disappointed. They are not obligated to give us anything.
I'm sure your little girl will be a blessing. Sure wish we had the money saved so we could do the adoption route and be for sure it would be permenant. I've always wanted to do an adoption from China!@
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virginia - 2004-04-29 13:08:52
I guess I should specify, it's not really about the "stuff". I can get everythign myself, as my next post points out, we can afford to buy all the stuff. It's more about their reaction, or rather, lack thereof. She's a child, just like any other child in this family. And trust me, much fuss was made over the other 10! So I'm ticked that no fuss is being made about her, and I'm afraid it's a picture of things to come, of how she'll fit, or won't fit, in this family.
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jaynee - 2004-04-29 16:29:16
I actually have that fear that if we were to adopt a child it would not be loved unconditionally by my MIL like her "real" grandkids are...part of me thinks I'll just wait and adopt after she passes away so I don't have to deal with that particular stress.
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Erin - 2004-04-29 21:19:03
Your inlaws sound very much like my inlaws. They aren't from the Cote-St.-Luc area by any chance?
I have never been accepted and although they seem to love our son, I always get the feeling that if he wasn't half mine, they'd love him more. They never offered to do anything before he was born and then were upset to find out we had gone and purchased furniture, because they wanted to do that for us. Umm...could you have spoken up before I was a month away from delivering?
I hope that your in-laws take one look at your daughter and fall hopelessly in love, no one can really resist a baby. And if they don't she's still going to be showered with love by her Mom and Dad and that makes a child grow up to be a wonderful person!
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Michele - 2004-04-30 14:23:04
It is too bad your inlaws have to be such buttheads. I hope for Sarah, that they smarten up and get their acts together.
I grew up seeing how my father's mother treated my mother. My mom never spoke unkindly about her mother-in-law around me...until I got to be much older and asked her about it. However, I saw how my grandmother behaved towards my mother and it always disturbed me. And Sarah will see how your inlaws treat you. I do not have a relationship with my grandmother. When I go up to Maine to visit my family, I don't even bother calling that woman. I always drive past her house, but I don't stop to see her.
What was your MIL's reaction when your husband called her to tell her the news?
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virginia - 2004-04-30 14:33:08
Michele, obviously, my MIL knew this was coming for a long time. My husband called her to tell her and dropped by the next day to give her a copy of the referral photos. Whereas my parents had them scanned, recopied, posted on the net, used as backgrounds in the Palms, etc, she simply took it and put it with the mail on her table. Grant it, we haven't been back to see if she did anything with it, but my guess is, it's exactely where she left it. I wasn't there, but from what J says, she was nice enough about it, but not excited. Adn that was almost 3 weeks ago, she hasn't made one peep about it since. It's like it's not happening or something....
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Jodi - 2004-05-01 19:48:02
Like Jaynee said earlier, my fear is that my in-laws and some of my own family will not love an adopted child unconditionally.
Larry and I aren't invited to his or my nieces and nephews parties and it hurts. His brother and SIL some times say the nastiest things about his other brother's adopted daughter (from China). It is a child for G-dsakes! Why take your hatred out on a child?
Even Larry's biological niece notices the coldness from some of his family. She is only 8! She doesn't want to visit them anymore because they never hug her like they hug the other nieces and nephews. I think it has a lot to do with her looks. They are always talking about how overweight she is (she is just chubby) and her red hair.
I worry too much that they will behave this way with my child as well. I know I shouldn't, but it is hard not to worry about something that is going to hurt your child.
Virginia, I will ooh and ahh over your precious little daughter and I am sure there are plenty of others that will love your daughter to make up for the crassness of your in-laws.
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