Crustacian Nation

2004-09-10 - 10:33 a.m.

Really, need I say more? The casting people went all out this year, with Scary-Spice, Bow-tie boy, The Amazon bitch and my personal favorite, the debate champion!!! I know I've only been a mom for a few months now, but really, who couldn't tell that a half-fish half-lobster action figure wouldn't complete suck?!?!The only way it would work would be as a tie in with a movie or tv show, and then, just as a give-away with a happy meal!

And Scary Spice with the 8 ball?!! What the F^%#^???? So good to see that with the gold reserves dwindling in the world, we'll be able to mine in the Donald's apartment in a few years for a complete new stock! Seriously, there was even more gilding than last year!

And my husband and I both noticed a commercial for Ello's (lego's for girls) during the show.... Product Placement much? Since when does Mattel advertise at 9 pm???

Of course, I will have to watch the rebroadcast on Saturday to see the extra 20 minutes....And Joey didn't suck nearly as much as I had anticipated.

Anything to add? 3

I'm so darn clever

2004-09-09 - 4:06 p.m.

Now that I know that my recent stupidity is due to no fault of my own by rather to my new state of motherhood (See yesterday's post for explanation), I feel much better about myself and have made great strides in improving my daily quota of Clever Things To Do With A Dumpling.

Yesterday afternoon, Dumpling was takinga long nap, so I decided to make a spagetti sauce. Of course, the minute the meat was defrosted, she work up. With all the chopping underway, I had to keep going. So I brought the vintage 1950's high chair that we keep in the dining room into the kitchen (our kitchen is not eat-in, so there isn't usually a place for her to sit) and propper her in there with some Corn Pops, raisins, a bowl, a spoon and a couple of berries. Not only did it keep her entertained (it's very hard to put the corn pops in and out of the bowl using the spoon!), but the sauce turned out to be delicious and she had some for dinner, and used it as a face mask as well!!!!

Then today, I stepped into a land foreign to me before: Kidnasium. It's this place we signed up for a thursday morning class that basicall consists of jumping around a lot and doing baby gymnastics. But the first room you walk into is this giant indoor playroom, with every toy under the sun and lots and lots of mothers and kids to play with. I had no idea such a place existed. We are allowed to go before and after our class for 30 minutes at no charge, but we can go anytime and pay the 5$ half day fee and just play. Why did no one mention this to me BEFORE???? I'm sure they wanted to keep it secret to keep the numbers low on the dinausor teeter-totter, but I found it now! And with the torrential downpours we had today, it was a welcomed reprieve. We'll be back every week for our class, but next time the weather's nasty, I'm heading over there! Oh, and the coffee is free!

Finally, during a store-related visit to Office Depot, I bought giant pads of newsprint. Giant as in 2 feet by 3 feet. And I put them on the floor and gave Dumpling 3 crayons, one for each hand and one for mommy. And we trace her hands and my feet and we have lots of fun. It's much better on the big paper straight on the floor, she can just sit on top of it rather than sitting on the little chairs at her little table.

Well, if I keep going like this, I might make some Mom of the Year list! Oh, I know, keep on dreaming!

Anything to add? 1

I'm dumb, and they've proven it!

2004-09-08 - 1:55 p.m.

well, this explains everything!!!! (thanks to AidelMaidel for pointing me in that direction!)

So I can't come up with new games, I can't figure outthe accounting and I can't seem to read past page 5in my book because becoming a mother has made me DUMB! WEll, at least I'm not going crazy!!!!!

Anything to add? 0

a warning to moms-to-be

2004-09-07 - 11:26 p.m.

in general, my readers, save for a few (shout out to Mary, Rachel....), are struggling with infertility, are in the midst of international adoption, or are really cool hip moms of young ones. if you already have kids, keep reading, you may be of assistance to me. However, if you are still on the path to motherhood, I want to give a little bit of advice.

you know all those books you've been reading, about bonding and child development? You know all that time you've been spending decorating the perfect nursery or researching the perfect stroller? (it's the Bugaboo, let me save you some time!). Well forget it! Spend your time planning activities once the kid gets here! Because, trust me on this, as the 3rd month anniversary of the Dumpling's arrival to our home looms this weekend, we have run out of activities.

The daily visit to the park is no longer exciting for either of us, I can only read the Shabbat book 10 times a day without loosing my mind, she refuses to put the heart and star in the shape sorter (she only deals with real shapes like the cirle, square and triangle). We've begun playing with crayons, but she doesn't press hard enough to make a mark all the time and she eats most of them anyway.

What I should have done is read all kinds of books on things to do with toddlers to keep them, and you, interested. Read about games and learning activities, about what to do when she has a fit no matter what toy is in front of her, when she won't sit still for 5 minutes and Elmo just can't rescue you this time.

So we've taken out the big guns. We've enrolled in a mommy and me type class for Thursday mornings and , *GASP*, we're joining a {whisper} play group {/whisper} on Tuesdays. Hopefully, we'll add a little variety to our days.

But take this as a warning girls: don't worry so much about the trappings of the room and the toys, think aobut what you'll actually do, once the novelty wears off and you have to come up with something, quickly, before a baby meltdown reduces all involved to puddles on the floor (yes, that would include me too!)

And for those of you with experience, PLEASE, save me from this rut and send activities to do with a 17 month old who doesn't say any words but can run like the dickens!

Anything to add? 6

a milestone in our family

2004-09-03 - 3:36 p.m.

My mother will be 60 tomorrow. I have some weird feelings about that... She had a rough year. Since last September, she had a cancerous mole on her leg turn into a big whole chuck of missing calf (the more they dug around, the more they found). Then, she got breast cancer and had a lumpectomy. Then during a routing checkup, they found a black spot on her lung. Turned out to be nothing, but the stress was unbearable.

Of course, her year is now coming to a close with a bang: she is a doting grandmother for the first time and boy, does she enjoy the doting! My grandmother, her mother, died in her early sixties. There was nothing wrong with her, she died 3 months after her husband, just didn't wake up in the morning. In the last year, everytime my parents show he slightest sign of illness, I get very worried. I sort of remember my mother's reaction to her parent's deaths. I was 6, I was on my grand-father's bed in the hospital when he died of lung cancer. A boy broke my nose playing indoor hockey and my great uncle took me to Laura Secord to have Pistachio ice cream before taking me to say goodbye to Papie. And now I think, I'm a mom now. I'm a good 8 years behind my parents as far as parenthood goes, so Dumpling is much younger than I was.

I'm not trying to be gloomy. On the contrary. I've been letting lots of things slide off my back lately, all for the sake of the Dumpling. I want her to have great memories of her childhood. I want her to have more than a few years' worth of memories of her grandparents. I remember the Orange Julep with Papie and Mamie's handmade dresses, prune juice in little 4 oz glasses from the Texaco station and my Papie's many handmade stools and chairs.

Tonight, we are going to surprise my mom at the restaurant, my brother, husband and Dumpling. She thinks my dad is taking her out and we will be coming over tomorrow. I can't wait to see the look on her face. Her first birthday as a grandmother, and the 60th one to boot!

Anything to add? 1

a very JAPpy day....

2004-09-01 - 10:18 p.m.

yes, it's that time of year again, try as I might to ignore it, High Holiday Anxiety Season is upon us! It hit me like a ton of bricks at 10:45 last night when one of my SIL called to invite us to their house for the second meal. I did overhear the other SIL talk about it at the cemetary on Sunday (just an unveiling, no one has passed recently), but I had blocked it out because I simply couldn't bear to think about it.

Rosh Hashana is 2 days, which equals four meals, two lunches and two dinners. That's a lot of food, adn a whole lot of my husband's family. Since I converted, I don't have the luxury of retreating to my own family for half of the meals. So a few years back, I started making a lunch at our house and inviting only our friends. I would make it on the last day, when everyone has already had 3 meals with various family members and was glad for a change of company (apparently, we are not the only family that has a hard itme sitting together for some many consecutive meals!). But word got out to my inlaws about this lunch and they took offense. Why were they not invited? How could I put friends before family? Etc, etc. (if you really must know, you can just read last year's entries!)

So this year, for the Dumpling's sake, I will attempt to have all my inlaws (3 sets of adults) and their children (10) over to our house for the last lunch. But that phone call from SIL last night (they always call a few minutes bfore eleven, which totally pisses me off. I want to go to bed and I don't want to have to deal with the increase in blood pressure their phone calls always cause!) just set me off. I've been keeping my feelings for them at bay since the Dumpling's arrival, for her sake. We've been seing the cousins as much as possible and I've really tried to be accomodating with letting them come use the pool. But with the holidays around the corner, it's stirring up all the old feelings inside. I am not welcomed, more like tolerated. They never talk TO me, they talk AROUND me. but for Dumpling's sake, I'm really going out on a limb this year, forgoing the friends lunch. That's the part I'm really sad about. I wish I could do both, one friend's lunch and one family lunch, but holiday cooking being so difficult to start with, and with a new toddler around, I just don't have it in me to make two lunches this year.

I'm afraid though that if we try to pick up again next year, it won't be the same... but I can't do anything about that.....

So because I was feeling so anxious and I needed some sort of outlet, I had a very JAPpy day today. Ironic isn't it? One of the reasons the high holidays bring me such stress is because of the endless conversations my 3 SILS will have about heir diamonds and their shoes and their hair dresser, and my remedy is to act just like them... I'm not proud of it, I'm really not.

But first thing this morning, I packed up the Dumpling and dropped her off at my mother's for her Wednesday With Grandma. Then I headed downtown, parked my car and went shopping. I tried to find nice jeans, but i just didn't have the patience after 5 pairs. I did buy a nice pair of beige corduroys at Club Monaco. And then, I did a very, very JAPpy thing. I headed over to Holt Renfrew, the most upscale department store in the city, and purchased my 3rd Kate Spade bag. (it's not on the web site, so I can't show you a picture, but it's burnt orange and shaped like a bread loaf....). It was expensive and impulsive. It's very JAPpy.....

Afterwards, I took in the very first showing of Vanity Fair, at noon. I liked it a lot, I thought she was fabulous in it, I just wasn't in love with the ending. But it was really great.

Then I ran to work and repented for being a card-carrying member of the JAPs.... Can one still work when we get the membership card?

Anything to add? 0

a modern day Quest

2004-08-31 - 10:38 p.m.

for the last two days, I have been on a Quest with a Capital Q. For a Toaster Oven. Yes, a quest. It started out quite inocently, our fancy shamncy Delonghi retro looking toaster overn crapped out on us on the weekend. With a toddler who lives on fish sticks and chicken nugets, a regular toaster just won't do, we NEEd a toaster oven. What's the big deal?

Glad you asked! I'm a little picky about my kitchen, so I cannot have a white toaster oven. Black or stainless for me. Everything is black or stainless nowadays, my last toaster oven was stainless AND retro, so I didn't anticipate any problems. First, we went to Sears, where they had the basic white 40$ model (X-ney) and so humongous convection ovens that toast bread. Too big, too many buttons, too darn complicated. Off to Future Shop, where they do not sell toaster ovens. They have regular toasters and again, the huge convection contraptions. Next door at The Brick, no small appliances at all. That was yesterday. Today, the Quest continued. WalMart, where I always find EVERYTHING I'm looking for. They had the cheap white ones, but they only had two in stock and they had both been returned. Plus, I really didn't want a white one.

So finally, I went to The Bay, where I found the white ones, again, the one we used to have (which my husband didn't want to get again because he didn't like the toasting) and the convection contraptions (which I guess would have the same inability to make quick and easy toast). They did have two other models to choose from, black and chrome, so I picked one. We'll test it out in the morning. But I was curious and asked the saleslady what the deal was with toaster oven. I was duly informed that standard toaster ovens are a thing of the past. That people buy the big-slice toasters for their bagels and the convection contraptions for their eggrolls and mini pizzas..... She told me in a year or two, you won't be able to get a regular toaster oven anymore.... Maybe I should have bought 2!

TAR5 Chickens! Pock, pock, chickens! I would have shaved it off in a second, it's just hair, it grows back! I don't care if they are models... actually, I think of all people, they should have understood, one day, I'm sure some company is going to make them cut their hair for a shoot... Still, glad they are still in it because I simply cannot contemplate how much I will hate this show if Colin and Christie win. And Blond Bowling Mom: Shut up!

Anything to add? 2


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Copyright Mortimerís Mom 2004. But just ask, I give my permission easily!